


It's Not Living, That's Just Not Dying

by ChronicleArt (KadriahWolf9416)



Series: After Operation: Pitfall [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Survivor Guilt, Thunderstorms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 06:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1808449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KadriahWolf9416/pseuds/ChronicleArt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He shouldn't have survived. He should be dead along with Stacker Pentecost, Sasha and Alexis Kaidanovsky, and the Wei Tang brothers. He should be disintegrated along with his Jaeger. He, Raleigh, and Mako were the survivors of Operation: Pitfall, but he shouldn't be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Living, That's Just Not Dying

He shouldn't have survived. He should be dead along with Stacker Pentecost, Sasha and Alexis Kaidanovsky, and the Wei Tang brothers. He should be disintegrated along with his Jaeger. This is the only thought that has been running through the mind of Chuck Hansen ever since he awoke in the medical unit of the Shatterdome. He, Raleigh, and Mako were the survivors of Operation: Pitfall, but he shouldn't be.

At the last minute, Stacker Pentecost activated Chuck's evacuation pod, the pod had been thrown a long distance away from the blast, carried by the shockwave of the payload. When Mako and Raleigh's pods had been found, they also got another signature of his evac pod. He wished they would have just let him die there, at least let them think he died with dignity.

A few weeks after the breach had been sealed, Chuck was released from medical. He had a few broken ribs, a shattered femur and too many cuts and bruises to count, but he was healing. The doctors deemed him fit enough to walk with a set of crutches and he was sent on his way.

\----

He wasn't eating, he wasn't sleeping, he holed himself up in his room and wouldn't leave, not even Max could get him out of his room.  Chuck spoke to no one, unless he was telling them to fuck off and leave him alone. Herc had tried to get his son to eat, Mako tried, hell even Raleigh tried. He'd turned all of them down.

The worse part about this whole ordeal was when he would pass out from exhaustion and the nightmares would come. He heard Stacker shouting at him, he heard the blast, felt the jolt of his evac pod practically flying and then nothing. Nothing but darkness, then he heard his father's voice _"That's my son you got there."_

He'd wake up sweating and gasping for breath as Max whined quietly on his lap. That was where the tears would start to flow. He was angry at himself, well, not just angry, more like downright pissed at himself. He should have _died_ in that explosion, he had heard some of the doctors and nurses say that it was a miracle he survived, that he got a second chance at life. Yeah, another chance to fuck it up.

He didn't go out because he couldn't stand the looks of pity on their faces, especially on Raleigh's, he didn't sleep so that he would have nightmares about him surviving and Raleigh dying, he didn't eat because he didn't deserve to.  And this continued until one night, a thunderstorm hit, and Chuck finally broke.

\----

_'We can clear a path! For the lady!'_

_'It was a pleasure sir.'_

_BOOM!_

Chuck woke up with a scream tearing itself from his vocal chords. Another thunderclap shook the room and all he heard was the sound of the explosion, he covered his ears and drew his knees up to his chest to make himself small as possible. Soon he heard his door swinging open and felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around him. Chuck buried his face into the neck of the man holding him, he wrapped his arms around his waist and just hid from the world.

"Shh, shh, it's alright. You're safe, I'm right here." He heard Raleigh's smooth voice trying to calm him, but he was so damn scared. Scared of what everyone thought of him, of the Ranger that should have died, he was scared of the thunder that sounded like the explosion that should have killed him. But one thing he knew was that Raleigh was right there protecting him, not that he'd ever admit it out loud.

"I'm right here, Chuck, it's okay." Raleigh's hand moved so that it was resting on Chuck's cheek, his thumb wiping away the tears and caressing his face softly. The younger ranger’s body was shaking from the sobs that were emitted from his mouth. The older man just sat there, holding him as he cried, whispering calming words in his ears.

When Chuck finally calmed down enough that it was just silent tears Raleigh asked him, “Do you want to talk about it?” Chuck just shook his head. Raleigh knew not to push, if he did he would just make the younger angry with him. But it surprised him when Chuck actually did start talking.

“I should have died, Raleigh.” Chuck said in a small voice.

“Chuck-“

“No, let me finish.” Chuck interrupted him. “I should have died in that explosion, it’s not fair that I live and Marshal Pentecost didn’t.”

Raleigh was silent after the proclamation. He finally replied after a few moments of silence, “I think your father would say otherwise.” Chuck moved out of the man’s embrace and looked up into Raleigh’s eyes, looking for him to explain. “You’re father started crying when you were found alive. And when you were in a coma, he barely left your side. So your dad is so relieved that you are alive, and he’s thankful to the marshal for getting you out of there.”

Chuck was quiet for a few moments, he looked down into his lap and then asked. “What would you say then?”

Raleigh cupped Chuck’s chin and gently made him look him in the eyes. “I am so happy that you are alive.”

“Why?” the other ranger asked.

“Because I didn’t get the chance to do this.” Raleigh leaned in and softly captured Chuck’s in a kiss. Chuck’s eyes sprung open at first but then he relaxed, closed his eyes, and started to kiss back.

When Raleigh pulled back he stared into Chuck’s eyes. “I know how it feels. Better than most. I watched as my brother was killed, I was so angry at myself because I thought that I didn’t have the right to live if my brother was dead. After a while, probably a year or so, I started thinking that Yancy wouldn’t want me to blaming myself, because he always made sure that I was okay and that I was taken care of. I started living again, what I was before, that wasn’t living, that was just not dying. You have so many people that care about you, that want you to live, that love you. It will take time, I will admit, but you don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll be right here with you.”

Chuck had tears streaming down his face again at Raleigh’s speech, he dove into Raleigh’s arms and hugged him close. Raleigh wrapped his arms tightly around Chuck’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

“Thank you.” Chuck said quietly.

“Anytime.” Raleigh replied.

“Hey Raleigh?”

“Hm?”

“Can we go get something to eat? I’m starving.” Raleigh smiled and nodded.

“Sure.” He kissed him quickly and stood up, holding out his hand to the other man. Chuck stood as well and took Raleigh’s hand in his and they walked together to the mess hall to get something to eat, closing the door to Chuck’s room behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave me a comment or a kudos if you deem it worthy. If enough people like this story, I might continue it but who knows.


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